THAT'S THE KIND OF JOKE THAT'LL GET YOU KILLED

Facebook photo posted by a co-worker with a shoe fetish and a death wish.

I am a woman who cherishes her shoes. In fact they are as dear to me as my children, except that my shoes will never grow up and leave me and remind me of all the times I served burnt marshmallows and cubes of cheese on skewers and called it dinner. (So guess what? When I die, the shoes get EVERYTHING!) Therefore you can imagine my horror when I logged on to facebook on my day off yesterday and saw this image. Of my favourite child shoes, my siren-red suede stilettos, on the brazen harlot feet of a co-worker who found my hidden shoe stash and penetrated my babies with her striped-socked feet. And then posted the image with the words: "If you get bored at work, put on a co-worker's shoes on her day off." 

She might as well have couriered a severed horse's head to my front door. There are no words for how violated I feel. Except all the words I just used here. 
My only consolation is imagining her catastrophic, humiliating and possibly even fracturating tumble when she tried to stand up and take more than two steps in these bad boys. Girl, this friendship is OVER!

Editor's note: I ... uhm. 
My note: What. WHAT?
Editor's note: I have to confess, I was the one who told her where you hide your shoes.
My note: Well now I have two people whose coffee will be getting poisoned.