BEAUTY RUNS IN MY FAMILY — THIS EPIC SELFIE PROVES IT

ME (CENTRE) WITH MY TWO BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS 
 I can't wait till Piggly Wiggly is old enough to join in the selfie fun!

Getting my busy, far-flung daughters and I together for anything more than a conference call is tricky these days. But we managed it Saturday night and it was such a joyous occasion I wanted to capture it for posterity in the way everyone does nowadays: with a selfie. As Rihanna herself clearly believes, if you don't tweet it, it didn't happen. 

But that immediately led to another tricky situation, because as some of you already know, my firstborn is having none of this "Hey everybody, let me tell you about my pubes!" endeavour I appropriately call Whorrified. Which is fine. That's her choice and I respect it, while simultaneously trying to get around it by any means possible. (When I get old and senile, no one will blame her if she whisks me off to a maximum-security home in Yakutsk. Unless there's a stricter one even further away.) So I went ahead and took a shitload of  pics and because nothing is dearer to my heart than my children, I thought I'd share them with you. I'm pretty sure their outstanding quality will mitigate my firstborn's ire.

Some of the more observant of you will notice that Piggly Wiggly's mother (right) really has this "how to pose for a selfie" thing down pat. And that my firstborn (left) bears a striking resemblance to Shane MacGowan of The Pogues. So much so that one might even suspect they're related (but it was only one night so scientifically speaking that's not even possible. At least that's what my first boyfriend told me and he had no tumescent reason to lie about it. 

Oh, hang on, my phone is ringing. "Hello? Yes, speaking. What's that? No, I didn't book a one-way trip to Yakutsk leaving first thing tomorrow morning. There must be some mistake ... " 

THE FIRST SELFIE IS ALWAYS THE BEST. We should have just ended it here.

BUT THEN MUTHER THOUGHT IT WAS A LITTLE BLURRY so we tried again ...

AND THEN AGAIN ...

AND AFTER THIS ONE WE ALL AGREED they were getting worse rather than better so the children poured some more gin into my booze hole and we all watched a movie. We'll try again next time, me loves ...