I THINK I CAN GET A PAPAL DISPENSATION FOR THIS ONE

DURING PIGGLY'S LATEST VISIT, I NOTICED THAT SHE LIKES TO SPEND an inordinate amount of time standing at the window, calling out to the cars that pass by. Much as I like to do only I do it in the nude and am much more selective of the vehicles I catcall.

Oh, hey! Hi! Remember me? Yeah well neither did Javier Bardem (or so he claims) but that didn't keep me from stalking him relentlessly and breaking my every restraining order promise to go away and stay away. Which is neither here nor there but it does speak to my inability to keep a vow. (Editor's note: You can say that again. My note: YOU PROMISED NEVER TO BRING UP MY THREE DIVORCES! *shoots editor point blank in the face with blackmarket paintball gun, receives full presidential pardon*) Now. Where was I? Ah yes, vows. I know I promised to stop Whorrifying you a few months ago when I got a respectable career but in my defence, your honours, may I present Exhibit A. Or rather Exhibit PW. (My teeny tiny granddaughter, for those of you who don't obsessively check in here on a daily basis.) 

The kid came to visit me for an overnighter this week and honest to God, it was like detox for the soul. Spending time with Piggly is a rare treat these days because between her mom going back to work and that respectable new career I alluded to, we have no time for things like family or friends or cooking or, God forbid, sleepovers with grandchildren. It's called civilization, apparently. 

Anyway, we didn't do anything more exciting than her new favourite thing – obsessively pushing her doll stroller around and around and around the living room – and read books and cuddle, but oh my lord. That moment when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you see is a bright-eyed, giggling one-year-old beaming at you like she's never seen a sleeping goddess before? I'm not the most religious person on the planet but if you were to tell me that is the vessel of God's love and purity, I would say, "Nice one, heavenly Father! This is so much more impressive than your old 'Look, it's my son's face on a grilled cheese sandwich!' trick."

'WAKE UP, G'MA! I WANT TO DO A FEW HUNDRED LAPS WITH MY DOLL STROLLER!'